One week, one day, and three hours. Haley wasn't entirely certain when she would stop her running tally of time since Carrie's attack. Although her head was healing (Nathan had been telling her ever since the accident with Daunte that his girl had a hard head) her heart would take a lot longer to heal. Even as she stood in the kitchen, whipping up her third batch of blueberry muffins in two days Jamie sat playing only feet away in the living room.
The day after Haley was released from the hospital and joined her husband and son at home Haley demanded that Jamie bring any toys he wished to play with into the room with her. This was in complete opposition to her previous house-rules of "No toys in the living room," but even Jamie had seen fit to keep that observation to himself. Jamie certainly wasn't complaining about his mother's need to see him at all times, probably because the few times they'd been separated by a few rooms in the big house, Jamie dropped whatever he was doing to yell for his momma and run as fast as his feet could carry him until he was gathered into his mother's arms.
Now the living room was full of hot-wheels' racetracks, the basketball hoop from the pool deck, a smattering of stuffed animals, Chester hopping about in a playpen (Jamie also didn't want his best friend out of his sight), and the sharpest plastic army men that toymakers could create. Nathan had found out he needed to wear shoes at all times after one particularly bold machine-gunner had stuck his weapon firmly into the soft under-sole of Nathan's foot. But Jamie's brand new play space was now a necessity because of its proximity to the kitchen where Haley devoted most of her time. Since visitors had been dropping by at all hours to "check in," Haley had been baking non-stop to make sure everyone received a treat for their thoughtfulness and an incentive to stick around a little longer. Naturally that seemed to encourage people to return more, and the more people that came around and the longer they stayed, the safer Haley felt.
Of course Haley felt secure with Nathan around, who shadowed her constantly as if waiting for the other shoe to drop and watch his wife and son vanish before his eyes. Nathan had only left home briefly to pick up groceries, and beyond that the family of three had been homebound, each too frightened to stray too far. But there was something about the house having only her, Nathan, Deb, and Jamie in it: it just reminded her that even with three adults, Carrie had still very nearly taken her son. Haley knew Nathan would lay down his life to protect her and Jamie, and that was the problem. Haley was afraid for her husband too. Sure, Carrie was dead, Dan had seen to that, but surely Carrie wasn't the only crazy person out there that could hurt her family. So the more people crammed into their house, the more secure Haley felt.
A buzzing noise filled the house and Haley smiled. Nathan was taking the opportunity of long hours at home to do a little home improvement and at the moment he was adding a brand new cabinet to Jamie's bathroom. It wasn't really a necessary project but Nathan needed something to keep his mind off of how close he'd come to losing his family: his mother, father, wife, and son.
Haley clenched her eyes shut at the thought. She'd wondered as she tried to sleep in the hospital with her husband's hand wrapped in hers, her little son curled up next to her on the hospital bed, what Nathan would have done if Carrie had succeeded. She couldn't imagine because she didn't know how she would have survived if positions were reversed and if she had lost her mom, Nathan, and their son. The alternative outcome to Carrie's attack was absolutely unthinkable for everyone.
The door-bell rang, and like she did every time, Haley froze, face white as a sheet, heart pounding. She knew it was ridiculous, but she always felt like it might be Carrie at the door. But no, Carrie was dead, and it was no doubt more friends stopping to check in. As she always did Deb called out, "I've got it!" and answered the door. Haley still couldn't believe that Deb had turned into such a great mother-in-law. She was always looking out for Haley, and, noticing Haley's adverse reaction to visitors at the door on their third day home, Deb had quickly taken it upon herself to be the official Scott house greeter.
Haley allowed her heart-rate to return to normal and began scooping muffin batter into the pan, ears listening closely to the scene in the entryway.
Deb's voice floated back to Haley. "Dan," Deb said, a little flatly.
"Hi, Deb," Dan's smooth, deep voice responded.
"So they let you out?"
"Because of yours and Haley's testimonies. They ruled the shooting was in defense of another and that I was not illegally possessing firearms after they found it was Carrie who purchased the handgun."
Silence for a moment and Haley finally decided she should join Deb. As she entered the hallway Deb was asking Dan, "So what are you doing here?"
Dan directed his answer at Haley rather than Deb, "I came to see my grandson."
Haley recognized the question that was there and she considered calling Nathan down so he could handle this. She didn't want to answer Dan without Nathan's consent: he wasn't her father, after all. But then she remembered the moment when she sensed Carrie behind her, screaming bloody murder with an axe poised over Haley's head. Dan had saved her. Making her decision Haley turned around to lead Dan in, "Come on, Dan. He's just playing with his toys in here."
Jamie, who now never strayed near the front-door, was waiting for the moment his grandpa appeared around the corner, shouting, "Grandpa Dan!"
Haley felt herself smile at her son's happiness. She'd missed Jamie's cheerful good humor. The poor kid had been moody and nervous the entire week and therapy didn't seem to be helping too much yet. Enjoying the moment, Haley felt Deb's hand on her shoulder:
"Haley, should I get Nathan?"
Haley looked thoughtful for a minute. "No, Nathan's content working upstairs and I want Jamie to have his moment with his grandpa without his dad kicking him out."
Deb didn't look convinced but said with a small shrug, "Alright. Just let me know if you need anything." And with a glance back at Jamie and her ex-husband, Deb headed back to the small, cozy piano-room where Skills waited patiently with two glasses of red wine.
Haley left her son and father-in-law alone and returned behind the kitchen counter to pop her muffins into the oven. After setting the timer, she began to wipe up the counter, keeping an eye on Jamie and Dan as Jamie showed Dan his basketball skills, explaining that he was much better when he played outside. Dan agreed, saying that the last time he'd seen a five-year-old shoot that well was when Jamie's daddy was a boy.
Despite her newfound thankfulness for Dan Scott, Haley still had to roll her eyes at the mention of Dan and Nathan's relationship, especially concerning basketball. As it was, Haley still had no idea how she should feel about Dan. The negatives: Dan had abandoned her best friend at birth, ditched her surrogate mother to raise her child alone, tried to break up Haley's marriage on more occasions than she could count, and more than any other thing, he had shot Keith in cold-blood. Positives: He had saved her son twice. And he had saved her life. How did you tally up a score like that?
The doorbell rang again, followed by a playful knocked rendition of "Shave and a Haircut." Haley knew exactly who it was so she hollered to Deb, "I've got it!" before turning to Jamie and Dan.
"Hey Jim-Jam, how would you like to show Grandpa Dan your room?"
Jamie's face lit up and he asked, "Can I?"
"Yeah, buddy," Haley responded, ruffling up his hair. "And why don't the two of you play up there with your toys for a little while?"
"Yay!" declared her son, who grabbed Dan's hand and led him up the stairs as quickly as he could.
Haley straightened up and waited until Jamie and Dan disappeared completely from the staircase before striding to the door. Opening it she felt her own face light up. "Lucas," she said as he wrapped her into a hug.
"Hey, buddy," Lucas responded without letting her go.
Haley pulled back and said, almost jovially, "Come on in!"
Lucas followed behind, making sure to close the door and check to make sure it was locked like Haley liked it. Then he sniffed the air appreciatively. "You made blueberry muffins."
Haley looked over her shoulder as she walked into the living room to tidy up her son's mess. Part of her hated that her normally spotless house was now a tripping hazard, but the other part soaked it in, thankful that her stubbed toes and the dubious carpet stains meant that her son resided securely in her house. "I just put the muffins in, so if you want one, you'd better plan on staying."
Lucas chuckled as he sat down in a chair at the kitchen's island. "I'm sure I can make that happen." Suddenly he sat up straight and said, "Oh, man, Peyton's going to kill me!"
Haley glanced up at Lucas, amused. "What did you do?"
"Well, Jamie's been complaining that you keep making adult deserts that he doesn't like to eat, so Peyton whipped up a batch up brownies for him. She told me that if I was coming over that I should bring them, but it completely slipped my mind."
Haley's face looked hurt as she said, "He never said anything to me. I always thought he liked my cranberry crumble."
Lucas laughed, "What five-year-old actually likes any sort of crumble? Don't take it personally Hales, the kid just didn't want to hurt your feelings."
Normally the situation would have slid right off Haley's back, but today the fact that she hadn't made her son completely happy really hurt her. After all he'd been through and she couldn't even make him the right food. But she didn't say anything afraid that Lucas would think she was just being silly and overly emotional.
Lucas was looking around the room and he let out a low whistle. "Man, that kid gets around." Haley still couldn't make herself look Lucas in the eye, certain he would see her hurt from earlier. "Where are Nathan and J Luke anyway?"
Even as Lucas finished the question the whirring of power tools could be heard through the ceiling. This made Haley smile, and she answered, "Nathan's adding a medicine cabinet in Jamie's bathroom. Jamie saw the one in your house and wanted one just like it. We both thought he didn't need one, but he's been through so much lately that Nathan wanted to do this for him." Haley smiled at the memory, "You should have seen Jamie's face when we told him. I've missed seeing that smile. It was completely worth lowering the value of our house."
Lucas laughed, "I'm sure adding an unnecessary cabinet to a child's bathroom is going to drive down the price of your mansion with built-in pool."
Haley smiled back, but said nothing. Lucas continued, "So one man down, but where's my nephew? I know he can't be far. You've got that kid on a mighty short leash these days." Haley definitely wasn't amused by that comment: let Lucas see what he does when his kid is abducted once and almost taken away a second time. No doubt he would just send his kid to play out into the street.
"He's upstairs," Haley replied noncommittally, doing her best to avoid mentioning Dan.
"Is he helping out Nate?"
"No, he's playing in his room."
Lucas flashed her a sincere smile. "Good for you, Hales. I know you don't want to let him out of your sight, but this is a good step."
Haley smiled back tightly as she placed the last army man into his plastic box and stood up to make her way back to the kitchen, refusing to reply. She leaned on the counter across from Lucas and he asked, concern in his voice, "So how's your head, Hales? Your headaches go away yet?"
Haley nodded, plucking a handful of blueberries from a bowl on the counter and popping them into her mouth before offering the bowl to Lucas. "Just the occasional flare-up, but all in all I got off pretty easily."
Lucas smiled, "Glad to hear it. Peyton was pretty freaked out when the hospital wouldn't release you the same night: she assumed that you had some crazy brain damage."
"Huh," Haley said, "And I'm sure you're not using your fiancé as a front to tell me what you were thinking?" A teasing smile graced her features.
Lucas kept his eyes squinted at her saying seriously, "Only weak men use their fiancés as a cover for their true emotions." Haley gave him a playful shove and Lucas' expression cracked. "Fine, you got me Hales, it was me who kept Peyton up all night talking about how I was sure you would start speaking only in Spoonerisms and walking backwards."
Haley laughed, "You are a weak man, Lucas Scott."
"Lucas?" A voice asked. Haley froze, eyes wide. Without turning around she knew exactly who it was and the dreadful, deadly anger on Lucas' face only confirmed it.
"Get out," Lucas growled low in his throat, "before I throw you out." He stood up and placed himself between Haley and Dan as if forming a shield, his entire body tense with anticipation.
Dan walked calmly down the stairs. "But I'm a guest here. I'm not sure you have a say in whether I stay or go."
Lucas turned from Dan to look disbelievingly at Haley. "Hales?" he asked, eyes cold and waiting for an explanation.
Haley was saved for a moment by Jamie's appearance at the top of the steps. "Grandpa Dan, I didn't show you my NBA game yet!"
"Jamie, go back to your room, please," Haley requested softly wanting her son out of the way of the coming confrontation, whether it was verbal or physical.
"But Momma!" Jamie whined. Haley had been giving into Jamie a lot that week and he no doubt thought she would then too, but she put her foot down.
"Jamie, I won't say it again." Without another word Jamie whirled around and a moment or two later a door upstairs slammed shut. Now that her son was safely out of the way Haley refocused on the two older Scotts. Lucas' eyes were still fixed on her, waiting for an answer. Haley finally met his eyes. "I invited him in, Luke."
Lucas' jaw clenched and he said darkly, "Well, I want him out. It's him or me, Haley."
Haley looked at him, a hint of fear in her eyes. She had no idea what Lucas was going to do next and so Haley did her best to quickly take control. She turned to her father-in-law and said, "Dan, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Thank you for visiting with Jamie: I know he really loves spending time with his grandpa."
Dan watched Haley carefully for a moment and without his expression changing he walked over to stop in front of Haley. "Thank you for letting me see my grandson," he said evenly. Then he calmly strode to the front door and let himself out. It had no sooner shut than Lucas turned on Haley:
"What the hell, Hales? What was he doing in your house?"
Haley took a few steps back, uncomfortable with how vulnerable she was feeling and had been been feeling all week. "He was just here to see Jamie, Luke."
"Well, he shouldn't be allowed to!" Lucas exploded. "How could you let a murderer spend time with your son?"
Haley was upset that Lucas was challenging her decision about how best to protect her son. She quickly cried back, "Grandpa Dan is Jamie's hero! To us he may be a cold-blooded killer, but to my son he's the man who keeps saving him!"
"I don't care, Hales. I don't want him anywhere near my nephew!"
"That isn't your choice to make! He's my son, Lucas! You have always been there for Jamie and I know you're just looking out for him and I can never thank you enough for that, but I am the parent. I would never intentionally put my son in danger." Even as the words came out of her mouth, they stung. Haley's failures at protecting her son were much too fresh. She had to look away from Lucas to get a grip on her sudden overwhelming need to cry. Fortunately, or unfortunately, Lucas took no notice.
"I may not have a say in it, but you're responsible for his safety Haley, and you think it's okay to just hand him over to a murderer? Dan killed his brother, is it that crazy to think he might hurt Jamie?"
Lucas' words might have been talking about Dan, but Haley's thoughts took her to Carrie. The conversation was coming much too close to the insecurities that she'd been having trouble admitting even to Nathan. She'd handed her son over to a murderer on a platter. She had placed her son in harm's way and then had been unable to protect him. It was her responsibility to protect Jamie and she hadn't: she was a failure as a mother, a failure twice over, really.
But then Lucas said one more thing that pulled Haley out of her mental self-loathing and back onto the conversation Lucas was still having. He said, "Dan Scott deserved to die for what he did to Keith: he should be dead, not playing the perfect grandpa to your kid."
Haley stilled for a moment, Lucas' words ringing through her head. Lucas didn't understand what she was thinking, but the expression on his friend's face made him stop mid-rant.
Very calmly Haley began, "Do you really wish Dan was dead Luke?" Lucas wisely held his tongue, aware that Haley had something to say and that her question was a trap. He was a little afraid of the completely blank look on Haley's face. It was still, the only things alive were her eyes, and those had an odd flash in them that he had never seen before. Silence prevailed, and Haley continued.
"If Dan were dead, Luke, I would be too. And so would Deb. And your nephew would be gone forever and you would be forever wondering what happened to him. Dan protected my son when I failed."
Lucas' brow was creased in consternation and he tried to speak but was cut off by Haley.
"No, Luke," Haley said, voice still low and pain-filled. "You weren't there, so you don't understand. What have you heard about what happened?"
Lucas watched his friend warily and cautiously resumed his seat on the bar stool at the counter. "I know that Carrie was trying to get Jamie back but that you and Deb and Dan stopped her."
Haley shook her head sadly, "I had very little to do with it." She meandered over to the counter farther away from Lucas and leaned with her back against it in a defeated pose.
"Come on, Hales," Lucas pleaded, his anger from minutes ago completely dissipated by his concern for his best friend. "That's not true. You protected your son."
Haley closed her eyes and said softly, "Yes, I tried. I tried and I would have laid down my life to protect him, but- I didn't save him, Luke."
Lucas didn't like where this story was going. He had only picked up bits and pieces of the incident in the days following the attack, but no one had ever told him exactly what had happened up at that house on the interstate.
"Something wasn't right when we got there, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach. I made Jamie wait in the car, but I never dreamed- I never saw her coming. Everything flashed white and the next thing I know, Dan is calling my name and telling me I had to get up. I was so dizzy, but everything screamed in my head that I had to get to Jamie.
"I followed the sound of Carrie's voice to this big cornfield that was near the house and I stayed crouched, trying to find Jamie. Suddenly, there he was, running by me, and I grabbed him, and I held him so tight to me, he probably couldn't breathe. I don't know what I was going to do next, but we didn't have to find out." She chuckled drily, a dark, biting sound. "My phone rang, and Carrie knew right where to find us.
"If I had been scared before, I was then. At that moment I knew, I absolutely knew that I was going to die." Haley took a moment to swallow and Lucas could feel his heart pound and his stomach twisting in his gut. "So I ran. I pushed Jamie in front of me and let him run ahead of me so he could get away. But where would he go? I was more than happy to lay down my life if he could have been safe, but god, Luke! If I died, it would be all over! She could just take him and get away. And you know what? That was the worst part, that certainty that I had failed my son, that I was going to die at the hands of a crazy woman and there would be nothing to show for it. My husband was going to lose his wife and would never see his son again because I had failed as Jamie's mother."
Lucas sat rigid in his chair, hating that he had to hear this, hating that it had happened while he had spent the day peacefully, even if it hadn't been an emotionally easy one. He desperately wanted to deny Haley's criticisms of herself, but he knew he had to let her get the whole thing out of her system.
Haley continued, "But then Deb was there, smashing Carrie down with that stupid wine bottle. And I could breathe again, think again. I was so busy enjoying the sensation of life that I almost lost it. If it hadn't been for Dan- he saved me, just like Deb did."
Lucas shook his head to indicate his confusion. Carrie was down, unconscious. How had Dan come to their rescue when they were already safe? Even with that question, Lucas knew the conclusion: Carrie ended up in the morgue at Dan Scott's hand. So Luke waited for Haley to continue.
"She had an axe. And she was coming for me," Haley's words became halted as she relived those moments in her mind. How she had let down her guard and allowed herself to feel safe too soon. The animalistic roar, the metallic gleam of the axe blade and the crack of the handgun in quick succession. The moment that Haley knew she would never feel safe again. Because when she had just let herself feel safe, her life had almost been brutally ripped from her by an axe-wielding woman with a crazy vendetta. She swallowed the lump in her throat and shivered. "Dan came out of nowhere and shot her down, inches away from me."
Haley finally looked up, straight into Lucas' eyes. "I should be dead, Luke," she said seriously. "Deb too. I know that more than I know anything else. My number was called up and I was completely unprepared. Without Dan, we would not be here, talking right now. You would be at a funeral with a closed casket, taking a few moments to grieve in between making panicked phone calls to the police and going out on search parties to find your nephew. Maybe no one would have found us up at that house and Nathan would be trying to find his wife, mother, and son, only to eventually find the mutilated bodies of his wife and mom before continuing his search. I get that you hate Dan, Luke, but there is a reason why he is your nephew's hero. Jamie knows as well as I do that he almost lost his mother that day. That's why he wakes up every night screaming for me and why he barely lets me out of his sight. If Dan Scott was dead- this house would be empty," Haley finished ominously.
Lucas was silent long after she was done, just watching Haley's face. As she talked about Dan her face had flushed and her eyes had danced with an intensity he rarely saw. Haley's speech worked, she had badly frightened him. Lucas was now sick with the 'what ifs?' he had avoided thinking about over the last week. The entire thing was closer to ending in horror than he knew.
"Hales, I- I don't know what to say," Lucas said quietly after a moment.
Haley shrugged, a little uncomfortable that she had said so much now that everything was quiet again. "You don't have to say anything, Luke. I just- needed you to know. I know you hate Dan, and you can and I get it, but you can't have a say in how my family interacts with Dan. We're in a different place than you are. And I don't know where that is, I really don't. In so many ways I hate Dan too, but knowing that I owe him my son- it changes everything."
Lucas found he couldn't reply to that. He scrubbed his face with his hands to gather his thoughts. Finally he said, "You're right, I can't make that decision for you so I'll drop it, but Hales? I need you to know something." Lucas stood up and grabbed Haley's hands to draw him closer to him and then waited until her questioning gaze met his. "You. Are a great mom. You could never fail Jamie, and you didn't fail Jamie. You did everything you could and you saved your son." Haley tried to contradict him, her head shaking, but Lucas cut her off.
"No, you gave him the time he needed to get away, you were ready to lay down your life to give Deb and Dan the time they needed to have your back. You didn't fail, Haley, you saved him and yourself. And I have never been prouder of you in my life. Some parents only talk of sacrificing for their kids, but Haley, you did it."
Haley looked into his face, tears streaming down her cheeks, as Lucas discovered all of her hidden securities and blew them away. Lucas took in her tears with his eyes and whispered, "Oh, Hales," and pulled her into a strong hug. He chastely kissed the top of her head. "I love you, buddy."
Haley sniffled quietly and murmured, "Thank you, Luke."
And as the blueberry muffins baked and a power-screwdriver spun somewhere in the house, Haley felt a little of her self-confidence return. She wasn't completely back yet and it would take time, but Haley knew now that she was on her way. Haley knew she was still in a kind of shock that she was still alive one week, one day, and four hours after her number had been called. But she couldn't stop living now, not when she'd been given a second chance to stay with and protect her family through the quick action of a certain ex-convict.
And Lucas, his best friend tucked securely in his arms, was thankful that Haley was still there with him and that his nephew was playing upstairs in his room. For the briefest moment, Lucas was thankful for Dan Scott. And as soon as the thought tickled his brain, it was gone again, never to be reconsidered. Having Haley and Jamie there was enough.
